Day Six

Wow. So I woke up this morning in a fog. Literally and spiritually. A fog represents a time of confusion & the unseen. Although the warmth of the Lord moves in, my heart it is still cold. I'm wanting so badly to mount up on eagle's wings and soar like I did just a week & half ago. How can you be on cloud nine one day and in hell the next?

I have definitely been on an emotional roller coaster this week. To hating God, to hating myself... to being obedient & following blindly. I literally drove blindly to church this morning in the Fog!

When I got to church my heart was definitely not in it. But this song came on "Say the name of Jesus" ........... let's focus on this name. Jesus. Jesus. Jesus.

That's when I realized that this hour was not about how I was feeling or what I'm going through but for JESUS. I stopped worrying about what my mom was thinking of the service, how empty my heart felt and how much I despised this man, JESUS, over the last week. I just gave my self over and tried to feel JESUS.

I stopped..... listened.... and obeyed his honor while in his presence.

And guess what??

I got so much out of today.

I got a vast amount of healing. I don't feel an ounce of bitterness on me at the moment. Granted I have a while to go. But when the bitterness is gone, a hope takes its place.

I did NOT miss my calling, I did NOT fall out of the will of God. In fact, it was God's will concerning me to go through this valley. But where I am he is also. AMAZING!!!!!!!!!

And not only that, I made 7 great friends today!

Do me a favor.... put this Blog aside right NOW! Please read Pslams 119. Yes all of it.

I LOVE YOU, who ever you are, where every you are..... I love you!

-Jac