Day Five

Last night I went out to meet my mom & her friend for a movie and dinner. On the way while driving on Highway 190 I got a lovely flat tire. I must have drove on it for over 7 miles. Until it really blew because I heard this loud BahBahBahBah sound. I was furious! Completely livid! I was mad.... not at myself but I at my mom for making me get out of the house and start enjoying life instead of sobbing in my apartment. The first thing to happen to me since I’ve left my apartment is this bad, terrible thing. Is the world unsafe? I now felt if I stay at home I would never get hurt.

Can you see at this point how irrational and unhealthy I’m thinking? This is why I need healing…… (cont.)

So here I was sitting on the side of the road and watching tons of people pass me by. Only one cared to stop. A nice man in a BMW. He said, "Do you need help?" I was thinking yeah in more than one way. But I politely told him my dad was on his way to my rescue. I called my mom and vented, screamed "Shit" loud enough for people in China to hear. (by the way I never cuss) I was so mad. Did I tell you how mad I was? Cause I was beyond mad. And the more mad I was the more it proved my case that I was not ready to come outside. So my mom tries to calm me down, while on the other end of the phone. At this point I'm thinking all sorts of unhealthy thoughts about how much a new Rim & Tire is going to cost me. Since I've clearly been driving on my rim for over 7 miles. I decide to wait in my car for my dad. Because it's friggin' cold outside. This is when that BMW man stopped and asked if I need help. Ok..... so I'm waiting and waiting. I finally think, I should get the spare ready. So I get out of my car and open the trunk. Then everyone and their dog stops to over help. People are doing U-turns.... just to see if I need help. I must give out that "damsel in destress vibe" big time! It's not as if I'm on the highway anymore.... I am off a construction side street far from main roads at this point. But people show up from everywhere. Everyone except my dad. So I'm cold, mad, and embarrassed at this point because I can't remember how to change a tire, and everyone and their dog thinks I'm helpless and in need of rescuing. And I'm not talking about cute fireman here people!..... I'm talking about moms & mini vans and old creepy guys.

Finally, my dad arrives. And if you ever met my dad you'd know that I'd should be expecting this long speech about how I should have remembered to check my tires before I left, how I should have pulled over immediately and not drove an additional 2 miles off the highway, and how much this is inconveniencing his day. So when he arrived the embarrassment set in more, I was 2 seconds from tears and was definitely praying that he wouldn't say a word. I was a hairline away from a complete nervous meltdown & breakdown. But to my surprise he went right to work, fix my tire in minutes, literally minutes I've never seen a tire changed that fast except on TV & movies. He didn't lecture me at all. And it ended in a hug.
Whew! is all I thought.

I missed the movie with my mom but while waiting on them to finish I soaked in a little jewelry shopping. (no I didn't buy anything) Diamonds just make a girl feel better. This is not a regular habit of mine but I've done it in the past when a good friend of mine past away and I found it therapeutic.

Dinner at Glorias.....

I laughed with my mom & jymie. I heard about their stories of rejection. Although it didn't solve all my problems, it did make what I'm going through feel a little bit more human. I didn't feel irrational anymore about how I felt. Instead, I realized that people can get over their "big rejections" and they can carry the lessons learned from them. Some people just carry that "big rejection" with them everywhere they go, and forgot the lesson. Some dream about the "big rejection" and fear reliving it again.

So here where I see this leading me. This "big rejection" that I just suffered can either carry me into the future, or I can constantly carry it in the future.

I will choose for it to carry me into the future, and leave it behind me. I am NO longer going to live with it, It will NOT rule and reign over me. I will NOT live in this fear of intimidation & fear of rejection!

Mom, thanks for the wisdom.

PS. My dad made a comment about me this week..... "Every time I'm around her, she's like a BREATH OF FRESH AIR." ---- A complement like this is a beautiful step in the right direction to healthy healing.

IN CONCLUSION…. Although, last night brought some serious revelations. I still have so much more to go on my honest journey of healing...... stay tuned.